A little something of mine

[Vally]

"My cure is here.... all I have wanted and hoped for for so long" the girl moans as she starts moving up and down with her hips, rocking slowly on top of him, closing her eyes as she can feel him grow more inside her tight bum hole, filling and stretching her virgin ass. The boy's palms reach for her thighs caressing the smooth skin as he watches the girl's face change between a pained expression to one that is filled with lust and desire for more of him, pleasure easily becoming prominent on her blushing, burning face. Feeling his member twitch and throb inside her as the the girl moves faster now, raising herself higher only to slam down on him fiercely, lost in the moment, her bum hole really tight around his member squeezing hard all of its length, from just under the head all the way down to the base; the boy expression changes as well, giving in to the pleasure, blushing slightly and grinning as he watches her intently. Every now and then the girl slams down hard onto the boy's crotch, moving her hips in a circle, feeling the shaft rubbing deep inside her and pressing on the walls, unable to control herself too well in this joyful and exciting moment, her muscles clamp harder at times against the intruder, squeezing it forcefully and making the boy groan and moan with a sweet mixture of pain and pleasure, both pushed to the extreme by her motions and sudden squeezing.
"Have never ... never.. felt this way before" the girl says as she gasps for air, all her body shivering and twitching, her muscles relaxing and contracting at a pace that she has no control over, not anymore. She bounces faster and faster as that is the only thing she wants, only thing that her body is allowing her to control at the moment. Pressing her hands onto the boy's chest she moves as fast as she can, riding that shaft like there is nothing else in the world, her vision becomes blurry, white spots clouding it, her whole body shakes and convulses as out of nowhere she feels warmth spreading throughout her body, filling her with pleasure, passion and relief. The waves of warmth moving inside her body, from her bond with him, outwards. Suddenly all that pleasant warmth intensifies, burning her from the inside out and all of it flowing backwards than before, towards her crotch where all she can feel is the most intense climax she ever had, her juices leaking out, gushing onto the boy's groin and stomach, covering him with her passion puddle. The girl drops onto his chest and tummy, spent, her arms stretching to his sides but yet still with him inside her, just like the plug she had earlier, all she manages is to kiss his chin before closing her eyes and simply laying on him.

[Vrook]

Really good Vally. Looking forward for more. *clap*   And to be honest, first time I saw your topic, and layed eyes on the wall of text I didn't had the patience to read it. But then, after starting to go through it, hooked me up. So I can say congratulations, as you really can make interesting stories. Keep it up.

[Emmie]

I will start off by saying you've done a great job and it's a nice story. I do have some constructive criticism for you though, and I hope you take it to heart rather than getting offended. For that is not my intention! Teacher mode, on! Sorry. ^^

Firstly, paragraphing. I see that you've used indents in a few places, which is the type of paragraphing normally used in short stories. You use it quite sparingly though, and I think it would've had greater effect, and made it easier to read, if you used it more in certain situations. Like:
Character speaking and any action included with that speech or action instead of speech, like nodding. Example.

"both pushed to the extreme by her motions and sudden squeezing.
"Have never ... never.. felt this way before" the girls says as she gasps for air. <---- it gets its own paragraph
All her body shivering and twitching, her muscles relaxing and contracting at a pace that she has no control over, not anymore."

Change of time or place. Whenever you jump in time, or we find ourselves in a new place, move it to a new paragraph.
Adding some dramatical effect. Adding a moment of silence for example "Then there was silence." If it gets it's own paragraph, it makes more of an impact to the reader.

I also felt like you switched between saying the girl/boy and him/her, which got a bit confusing sometimes. And don't be afraid of using full stops. While there is no rule against long sentences and I've read a book that felt like just one massive sentence... Full stops are your friend, and if used correctly, will make the reading experience so much better for people.

I had a few more points, but I don't wanna make it more of a rant than it already is. Keep up the good work! 

[Vally]

Thank you miss Emmie, I understand to some extent what you are saying, but I am sorry for not being able to make this more like a story, it is my first time, so still learning how all this goes. I am not a native in the language I used and the story writing is not something I have done before.
I will see how I do in the future... hope I will improve, miss.
Thank you.

[Emmie]

You're doing great, and the story is really sweet. I was a bit scared at first cause she was pissed off her face and I thought he would use her. But he didn't! <3 You should definitly write more. ^^

[Vally]

In a way I am trying to lay out how I am.. maybe... so each story that will come next, will bring a small piece of me.
Also thanks for taking your time and giving some input, I really appreciate it... Maybe I will improve.

[Thekink]

I know a few of us have been waiting "patiently" LOL for the next except of the story. It didn't dissapoint!

Good job Vally