A journey by the dark side

[Simple Tania]

Epilogue

   Dear ones, after the end of my journey, I feel that I owe you some explanation about my reasons, as to one of the reasons we are talked about because as I explained in the introduction, it’s something I feel need to do, as for occupied my mind as to test my limits, as for the second reason is more difficult to explain and for that I need to talk to you a little about myself.

   I was born in a small town in the interior of my country, and as with all small cities, it was all much closed, everyone knew each other and God forgive us, if you do something that gives to talk about. Growing up as the little girl, with two older and intimidator brothers, an adorable but austere parents and a bunch of cousins, wasn’t easy, especially because from an early age I realized that wasn’t my place, I was always very curious about everything, about people, about the big cities, about the world and specially, about sexuality; so when I found the courage (and a courageous guy), I treated to get rid of the burden of virginity, I was fifteen and without realizing my life I had begun to change.

   At eighteen, with high school completed brilliance, what most annoys those envious people who see me as the high school slut and don’t hesitate to gossip just to hide their own insignificance, I was given the opportunity to choose the university to which enter, don’t even hesitate, although the most important university of the country be within a few kilometres from home, I decided to go to the capital. When I got there I fell in love, for the big city, for the invisibility cloak that provides me, for my independence and above all that…for the sea.

   I graduated in Sociology at the age of 23 with one of the best averages in the country, even with night outs, several boyfriends, a lot of crazy things, that maybe one day will tell you, and working, not that I need but because I want, I work as a model and as an exotic dancer in a night club, where I learn more about life in those two years that in the rest of my life so far. I wanted to continue study, I want more, dreamed of being a famous sociologist, write books, appear on television, so many dreams…only, life not always give us what we want, even when we want it so much.

   I met him in a party, it was what you might call love at first sight, tall, tanned skin, good looking, my prince charming, without a horse but with a powerful white cabriolet, whose back seats made sure to know when he took me home that night. After less than two years we are married and about one year after, my daughter was born… happy ending, right? WRONG, the years passed, my son was born and my dreams were definitely tidy in a deep drawer and when I realized, I was my mother, living for my family, taking care of the house and far, far away of everything I dreamed.

   Frustrated after long years of bad and uninspired sex, without the flame and the will to change things, on the verge of collapse and even adultery, I found this game and with it the “old me” and I used it, used it to spice up my relationship, to improve it, and for a while it worked, only, life hadn’t finished with me yet.

   When after a huge fight where unfounded accusations were dropped on me and I found out the true face of whom one day I called my prince charming, something died inside me, my flame is extinguished and I realized what I was for real, an empty shell, without objectives and without dreams come true, I was nobody, just a simple wife, something beautiful, polite, a precious bibelot to show the guests or to the occasional magazine who make a report about the honourable doctor; and then, from that ashes something reborn.

   Fenix reborn that day, stronger, fearless, more determined than ever and for one single reason, when you feel hit the bottom, the only way is up. So my dears, when we put together a strong determination to an empirical need for knowledge and at the same time we can keep our mind away from the real problems, we are capable to do everything and that’s why that I don’t consider my journey a purgatory, because the real purgatory is the one that I have to deal with, every single day, since that day… and until one day!