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Randy in Humpingland - IvanXLIV - 02-22-2016
Hello everyone,
The following installment is the fruit of nearly three weeks of sporadic, yet sustained writing. My previous posts were either narrative, lyrical or depressive in nature; this time, the tone is definitely whimsical.
I initially planned to write another poem with eight stanzas at most... and then creativity took full control and the "thing" swelled to monstrous proportions, as you'll notice below. I'm rather proud of the result, and I had great fun writing it; I hope you'll enjoy it as well...
Ivan
PART I
Randy in Humpingland
On a bright summer day, for a stroll Randy went
To the orchard, seeking under the shaded trees
A cool spot away from the scorching sun. A bent,
Gnarled oak tree looked perfect to sit against with ease.
Soon Randy dozed, reclining, by the boughs sheltered
‘Til slumber most profound embraced him. Carnal dreams
Of erotic undertones seized his thoughts, and led
Him astray on oneiric paths of lustful themes.
“My, what a wonderful place”, he mused with longing.
Suddenly, a jackrabbit clothed in latex
Of scarlet hues leapt out of the bushes, crying:
“Dear heavens, I’m late! I’m late and she craves more sex!”
The frantic lagomorph stomped around, pants dropping
To reveal a dong of proportions quite evil;
Grasping it like a meaty lance, he ran, charging
Straight into a gaping hole in the grassy hill.
Bewildered, Randy followed the decamping hare
Plunging headfirst in the dank, forbidding burrow,
Leaving behind orchard and tree and the sun’s glare,
Falling forever down a shaft steep and narrow.
At last he landed, unharmed, in a strange chamber.
Countless doors surrounded him; which one should he take?
The closest stood ajar, beyond which a shimmer
Suggested freedom… Or so he hoped, for his sake.
Beyond the jamb, floral beds spread under the sky,
Blooms of riotous colors heaving and sighing
In a perplexing fashion; Randy wondered why
They shivered and moaned with nary a wind blowing.
Creeping close, he saw the blossoms’ carnal orgy:
Labia-shaped petals rubbing against each other
And their buds, sweating droplets of a clear, sticky
Fluid, whose odor triggered in his loins a boner.
Predicament momentarily forgotten,
Overcome with raw, burning desire, Randy
Took out his stiffened cock, feeling hot and brazen,
And promptly deflowered the nearest plant with glee.
Oh joy! Oh blissful sensation! It constricted
Tightly, wetter than a maiden’s womb in springtime
Heaving to and fro, pumping Randy’s addicted
organ, triggering an ecstasy so sublime
That he cried out loud as flowing semen spewed out.
Randy’s contentment didn’t last long, for a voice
Startled him: “Hello there, handsome…that is no doubt
A naughty pastime, yet I approve of your choice.”
PART II
“Oft I rub my pussy in these fields when in heat,”
Said the newcomer, an alluring, cat-like lass
Of ample bosom and sinuous curves, a sweet
Furry tail curling above her round and firm ass.
Perspiring, Randy stuttered: “Who are you, lady?”
“Kitty is my name, a felinoid from Cheshire”
She answered, her wide smile suggestive and lusty,
Adding: “And business such as yours is my pleasure.”
Pouncing unexpectedly, she knocked him over
And with swift intent, pivoted around, pressing
Her moist cunt on Randy’s face, aroused and eager
To gobble up his schlong, still erect and throbbing.
Drool running from her busy mouth, Kitty purred on,
Dripping wet under Randy’s probing tongue, moaning,
Shuddering as he thrusted deeper, whereupon
She wailed, climaxing, rivulets of jizz running
From her delicate chin. “Oh my, that was splendid”,
Said she with relish, licking his deflating rod.
They chatted for a spell while she toyed with his fid,
His hands idly cupping her breasts. “This place is odd”;
Randy said at last. “Please, tell me more about it.
All its nations and cultures, customs and laws too;
And I do wonder where that odd-looking rabbit
Went?” Kitty then replied without further ado:
“The lay of the Land is simple: four bickering
Estates, one for each cardinal point. Each of these
Favors a body part: to the north, brandishing
Spades, lies the kingdom of Dicks blanketed in freeze.”
“To the east, the kingdom of Butts is spreading wide
Digging for hard diamonds, mining countless holes;
Hither does the Jabberwanky slavers, keen-eyed,
Hunting prey across verdant vales and grassy knolls.”
“Southward, under the fierce, scorching sun, one can find
The kingdom of Tongues, always wagging, famous for
The vocal Bonersnatch, roaming savannas lined
With club-bearing acacia groves where lions roar.”
“And last, mysterious and moody, lying due west,
Rests the kingdom of Cunts. Her queen is capricious
And cruel, rending countless hearts in her avid quest
For wordly pleasure. Her latest, most ambitious”
“Paramour is none other than Sir Jackrabbit,
But lately he’s faltering in devotion;
Unless he fess up, straightens and snaps out of it,
Soon he’ll suffer an unfortunate demotion.”
PART III
Thusly informed, Randy bade his lover goodbye
With a lingering kiss, then briskly walked away
Toward the westernmost horizon, his step spry,
In pursuit of the errant rabbit, come what may.
Around a bend in the road appeared a clearing
Occupied by a strange crowd of curious tenants.
At a large table they gathered, fornicating
Amidst a fancy repast’s discarded remnants.
“Sir, would you care to join our impromptu party?”
Said a lady wearing a tailcoat, a top hat
And little else. She stretched her companion’s booty
For Randy’s perusal, offering the plump, fat
Cheeks for his putative, upcoming enjoyment.
“Go ahead, take a dive”, proposed the Hot Hatter;
“Mousy girl requires servicing this instant;
Don’t leave her pining for succor any longer.”
A third fellow, nervous-looking, kept the maiden
Pinned firmly, spread-eagled across the tabletop,
While she teabagged him with loud, slurping sounds, often
Interspersed with low moans, unlikely to stop.
Randy gingerly took out his turgid member
And slid it deep into the orifice proffered;
Kissing the Hatter wetly, his thrusts grew harder
As their collective, rising lust swelled unfettered.
With remarkable synchronicity they came,
Jerking and squirting in ecstatic unison
Spent, happy, relaxed and thoroughly without shame
Savoring passion’s victory over reason.
Once again, Randy took his leave and departed
Westward bound, journeying far, at last perceiving
Ramparts festooned by crimson banners, who darted
In the strong afternoon breeze. Yet there was something
Unquiet about the place; shrill cries could be heard
Beyond the stony gate, angry and demanding.
What response there was sounded meek, fearful and slurred
Randy approached with care, stricken with foreboding.
In a great courtyard stood a throne and assembly;
A magnificent woman, naked and wrathful,
Stood before the crowd – The queen herself, obviously.
Under her furious tirade minions cringed, fearful,
As those who had displeased her paid a hefty price;
Precious body parts would be maimed or hacked away…
As choleric as she was, truly her worst vice
Was her insatiable urge to get laid all day.
PART IV
The target of her current fury cowered low;
It was the jackrabbit himself, still latex-clad.
Upon seeing Randy, he grinned and took a bow,
Visibly relieved and said, suspiciously glad:
“’Tis the replacement I promised you, oh my queen.
See his bulging trousers? Promptly will he serve thee;
Your satisfaction is guaranteed, for his peen
Never rests nor tires, always at the ready.”
Randy could only stare, speechless, incredulous;
Sir rabbit had gotten off the hook quite glibly.
The nude queen, eyes smouldering, took an imperious
Stance, ordering: “Now, commoner, you shall serve me!”
Guards seized the hapless dreamer and dragged him away
To a secluded bedchamber, warm and cozy
Where her Capriciousness commanded him to lay
On a king-sized bed, where she straddled him tightly.
Eager to please, Randy busied himself over
The queen’s perfect body, kissing there, prodding here,
Looking for cues of arousal, lust or pleasure,
But to no avail: her Highness remained austere.
No matter how he served the monarch, her mood fouled;
Nothing Randy attempted seemed to do the trick.
“We are not amused”, her Majesty of Cunts growled.
“Remove this peasant at once – and off with his dick!”
… Randy awoke with a start, panting profusely,
Shirt drenched in sweat, crotch marred by a widening stain
Of milky hue. A silhouette stood by closely,
Looking concerned; it was his pretty cousin Jane.
“Dreaming again, my dear cousin Randy?” she quipped,
Licking her lips as she stared at the spreading mess
He vainly tried to conceal. Approaching, she flipped
Her skirt up; Jane was stark naked under that dress…
“Do you have some left for me?” added the lovely
And attractive young girl, her shoulder-length blonde hair
Brushing Randy’s face as she leaned forward slightly,
Eyes wide with desire, eager to get her share.
On that bright summer day, this tale came to a close
With Randy and sweet Jane copulating madly
Like rabbits in heat. What happened next? To disclose
The details would require another story!
The End
RE: Randy in Humpingland - IvanXLIV - 02-23-2016
A clarification, if you will... Parodying or otherwise reprising Lewis Caroll's classic is hardly innovative, I'll grant you that.
Others have turned the narrative into poetry, such as of Alice in Verse: The Lost Rhymes of Wonderland .by J. T. Holden, .. and of course the Clamp collective created the delightful Miyuki-Chan in Wonderland manga (later adapted into an anime)... this simply was my personal take on a very popular theme.Ivan
RE: Randy in Humpingland - Vally - 02-23-2016
(02-23-2016, 12:44 AM)IvanXLIV Wrote: A clarification, if you will... Parodying or otherwise reprising Lewis Caroll's classic is hardly innovative, I'll grant you that.
Ivan
And what an interesting take, I did submerge myself in the world presented. Down the rabbit hole as it was.
RE: Randy in Humpingland - Cath - 02-23-2016
I still enjoy your writting, it's something really enjoy full and entertaining. I guess it's a parody, reprising would be way more different, I would say that you did a pretty good job there too.
Alas I don't have time now, but I will return soon to enjoy it again.
Love
RE: Randy in Humpingland - Kyrios - 02-23-2016
Very nice Ivan. As always. More please.
RE: Randy in Humpingland - Simple Tania - 02-25-2016
Ivan, last night you ask for my humble opinion...well...WOW, just WOW