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+--- Thread: Ascension Part 3: The Fall of Oficina (/showthread.php?tid=1197)
Ascension Part 3: The Fall of Oficina - Kyrios - 06-29-2016
Children lay around about ripped and cut in twain,
Analehks' creations, as precious as her blood,
A life of effort was it really all in vain,
This place of paradise now nought but shattered wood.
For the people of her town she'd done all she could,
Crafted water pumps and geared chains ingenious,
Laboured until every craft she truly understood,
The ease of life she offered had seemed miraculous.
But the empire had turned its eye, dark and malicious,
Upon this new emerging strength seeing a new threat,
Fell upon this growing town with rage, harsh and vicious,
Analehk stood powerless for all her toil and sweat.
This busy town could not believe that this them would befall,
RE: Ascension 3: The Fall of Oficina - Cath - 06-29-2016
I really like the fact that you take every time the last strophe to put it at the beginning of your next poem.
RE: Ascension 3: The Fall of Oficina - Kyrios - 06-29-2016
I hadn't thought of it as a strophe, but you are correct it has that feel in the structure. Its hard to write this as there are so many strict structural components, rhyme scheme, linking lines and syllabic restraint mainly. When its finished these elements though should make the whole thing stand together as threads binding myriad pieces of cloth into a single garment. At least if I do it right.
I should also point out that I am not writing the Ascension series alone. I am having a huge amount of help with the story and having the verse proofread, with tweaks suggested by Alexa. Its a lot of fun to write and seeing the reactions of people (especially you Cath) to it is gratifying.
Writing this way is rewarding and also pressuring. Each time I finish one sonnet I feel that rush of completion, but there stands that lonely linking line, beckoning me onward, showing that I have more to write. So no sooner have I completed one, but I turn to the next and begin the climb again.
RE: Ascension 3: The Fall of Oficina - Cath - 06-29-2016
Oh I understand! And it's really nice to see fantasy poems. I haven't read that kind of genre since my childhood.
RE: Ascension 3: The Fall of Oficina - Kyrios - 06-29-2016
Working on the next part now, got the story sketched out and the first quartet and last couplet written
. Finish it tomorrow though I think.
RE: Ascension Part 3: The Fall of Oficina - Cuylie - 07-02-2016
Well the bard certainly has my attention in the taproom. I think this is my favorite one so far, seeing the clash of both the light and dark side of civilization.
RE: Ascension Part 3: The Fall of Oficina - Kyrios - 07-04-2016
I think I enjoy that contrast too, the freedom lost and ease of life gained. The trade off in its best and worst states.